sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
