Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
