they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
