All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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