sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
