and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
