So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
