sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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