Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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