apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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