What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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