I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
