so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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