omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
