You made me cry and you don't even care
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
