Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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