Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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