when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
