at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
