I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is the high leading the old right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm both gender and math confused
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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