I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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