I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
