Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
