i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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