That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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