"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
