I only kidnapped one of them. chill
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
