I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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