i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize
