i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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