Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
