Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
