Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
