Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
