My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
