Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Found your dick twin last night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
