I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
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