Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
