You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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