your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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