You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
