I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
