I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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