as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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