Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
