if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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