On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
