the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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