i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
