I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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