i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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