I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
