dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
