I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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