So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
