I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A bitchslap is in order.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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