he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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