It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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