I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
