just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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