Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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