How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
