Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
