glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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