It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
