So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
