She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
