We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
