Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
