I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
