I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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