dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
