Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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