I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
