if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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