Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
