I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
