New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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